Two years also means I have some decisions to make. Actually, one big decision, and that's whether or not to "finish" my plastic surgery. I can stop where I am and live with a prosthetic forever. In fact, my oncologist is totally cool with that decision, though he mentioned sometimes women in that position find themselves having a lot of back problems... um, doc? Let me reintroduce you to my husband, the chiropractor....
There are other drawbacks -- mastectomy bras, no matter how cool the colors (my fave is the completely impractical pink and black leopard print), are still cut differently and get kind of uncomfortable. It's tough to wear "normal" clothes with them sometimes. Even a relatively modest scoop neck shirt will allow one side to sometimes peek out. Don't even get me started about mastectomy swimsuits.... clearly not designed for the recovered 34 year old.
My other option, of course, is surgery. I'm told its a six week recovery, but frankly, putting six weeks of "down" time together these days is a challenge. So is six hours... The surgery basically entails using my tummy extra to create a real living prosthetic -- one that would obviously be permanently attached. Because I continue to eat correctly, exercise, and have been blessed with great genetics (among other things!), I don't have enough tummy to make a full breast. That means I'd also have to have an expander put in. If you've followed my journey for a while, you'll remember the expander is the softball-like thing that's placed under the skin and is periodically injected with saline to stretch, or expand, the skin. I call it a softball because it feels like that's what you're lying on. Not sure how long I'd have to have that in before another surgery would remove it to replace it with a silicone implant. Again. I feel like we've done this already...
One more procedure after that one to do some cosmetic touch ups, then some tattooing. Phew.
Currently I'm thinking I owe it to myself to meet with my plastics doc to look at a timeline. I don't know that I want to have this surgery at all. I'm torn, really. I'm also slightly superstitious as it was just a few months after I was "finished" last time that I had the recurrence. I know that's crazy, but cancer does that to you. So... I'd love you to give me your thoughts, or if you know other people who've had the tram procedure done, let me know! I'm fishing for opinions here... can't make one on my own!
Carpe diem.
Trela
2 comments:
One idea given it seems there is no urgency about this from any purely medical point of view is to wait until your head, heart and every other intuitive gut feeling all tell you that this cancer has been utterly beaten into submission and then do it, irrespective of what the rational world actually tells you at any given time (which is of course that presently of course the damn cancer is gone and good riddance to it too!). Superstition or not wanting to tempt fate or whatever one calls it is a real funny notion - and every single one of us adheres to some part of it, despite ourselves.
The fact is that right now you are cancer free, the fact is that right now, you are the amazing Trela that you have always been, multipled a thousand millions times by virtue of your experience. The real trick is to celebrate that now, today. Carpe diem - remember?
So if the prosthetic wear is not up to scratch - well personally I couldn't think of a better person to have the ideas and the talent to make it a whole lot better, not just for her but for many other people too.
When you have a need to ask the question - should you? Well then you know that your head, heart and whatever else isn't in tandem - so wait till it is. Meanwhile given it would appear you might be waiting just a wee while (is my guess)- get designing and get sewing.
Whoever anonymously posted, I second their thoughts!! You are AMAZING Trela, and I don't put it past you to find the fix for whatever you find unsatisfactory!! :) In the meantime, you can examine my "tummy" when you are here...it is "pre-stretched" and there seems to be a little more lately than I need! ;P LOVE YOU!!! Looking forward to seeing you soon...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll be praying for you while you are weighing your options.
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