3 Pounds!

Last weekend in a whirlwind Chicago/Cedar Rapids/Des Moines flurry of activity my mom (who I only saw in Chicago, just to clarify) asked if I had lost weight again. (Again? Gosh, I love you, Mom.) In truth, I've been fighting those 20 pounds that chemo (and maybe the remainders of Cavanaugh's baby weight) had left behind since I finished treatment several years ago. Steroids are not fun for the healthy skinny girl who (realizing I'm completely genetically blessed) had never before had to worry about weight. When my doctor equated losing chemo weight to losing baby weight I perked up -- Kile's 55 pounds were gone after 6 months! This wouldn't be bad! Six months after the end of chemo though, my "cute" clothes remained in a pile at the back of the closet and the scale remained stubbornly stuck just a few pounds shy of the immediate post chemo weight.

I set my goal, realistically four or five pounds heavier than I was before becoming pregnant with Cavanaugh. I started working out. I'd always been a pretty healthy eater, but I consciously made slightly better selections in food. And nothing happened. For a long, long time. Having hit menopause at age 31 and then coming back OUT of it did little to help the situation (contrary to my onc's hopes that it might). All of those teenager hunger cravings came back with a vengeance -- and if you ask Eric, the teenage mood swings did too.

Honestly, I didn't see major results until a Wii Fit came to live with us. I wasn't even that dedicated (ok, in the beginning I was, mostly because it was fun. And no, they didn't pay me to write that.) In the last 10 months, I felt like I was thinner. My clothes gaped a bit, but the numbers on the scale weren't living up to my expectations. I revamped my lunch and breakfast menus and put myself on a strict snack at school diet (nuts, not chocolate!).

As all the rumors have alluded to, I too found the last five pounds to be the worst. Months went by with me checking the scale and seeing no movement. When Eric commented about how I was watching how much I ate for dinner about six months ago I knew I was getting there.

Finally this morning at the onc's office (my nurse said I looked thinner just before I stepped on the scale and I rolled my eyes at her), success. Three of the last five pounds had disappeared, as if by magic. I was almost more excited about that than I was the fact that my chest x-ray was normal. Ok, I think I actually AM more excited about that...

For me, I know it's not about the weight. It's really not. I have friends who struggle with weight continually and I know for them watching me freak out about 20 pounds is annoying, maybe even insulting. So please understand, it's not the numbers. Getting back to my pre chemo weight just makes me feel more like myself again. A survivor, not a patient. I am once again in control of what my body does and looks like -- well, mostly. : )

So Mom, yes, I HAVE lost weight. And I love you more than ever for noticing.
Carpe diem.
Trela